my beloved life
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Since its gonna be finals soon, and I wont be able to blog durin the finals, I decide to write a blog b4 it… so, time flies, soon ill be leaving MUFY, and possibly leaving behind memories of my family and friends in Malaysia to study in Australia.. Whenever I think of this, I feel sad… all the pleasant(and not so pleasant) memories keep flashing in my head nowadays.. 4 and a half years!!.. I’m pretty sure most of my friends have forgotten about me by then.. I feel sad, that I might not be able to hold on to my friends… every time this thought comes to my head, it hurts..
Ok, enough with the sad part.. these few weeks hasn’t been the greatest.. firtly, of coz finals is already around the corner(bout a week from now!!), which means I gotta turn up my engine and get movin!!... for the first time, I’m actually afraid of failing my exams!! If I maintain my current score, I would be able to join my desired degree.. but judging on how I did in my trials, I’m actually kinda worried… I mean… no HD, only 2 weak distinctions, 2 credits and even a fail for accounts!.. and I’m suppose to be majoring accounting in my degree!! This really gives me headache about my choice of courses that I’ve chosen…
Secondly, of coz… the girl.. for those who don’t know about this, you can read my previous post… nothing really has changed this 2 weeks… which kinda makes me feel even worst.. makes me feel like I’m wasting my time and concentration, since finals is already near.. but the prob is, no matter how much I try, I cant seem to let go.. some where in my heart tells me that I should do something about it… tough life I guess!!
Well, I know this is a short post.. I’ll definitely come back after finals with better and more interesting posts! So study hard everyone and may all your wishes come true!!
~BLOG RESUMES AFTER 10TH NOVEMBER 2005~ plz be patient..
12:53 AM
Monday, October 10, 2005
well, i have to be brutally honest here, i think im in love with a girl.. i have been thinking about her all the time... i guess it was love at first sight, met her when we went out with other friends.. she really caught my eyes, not even my ex could do that on first glance.. her smile on all was really great..
few months have gone by and yesterday we met for the third time, i think it juz gone deeper, cant help it.. everytime im under stress, i will think of her, sumhow i feel better, but also worst coz missing her.. even durin happy times i will think of her..
probably i will state the prob here, we barely know each other!! besides the three times we met, we have not talked on the phone or smsed.. as i thought it was juz an intuition which will fade away, it didn't, it grew stronger without me even realising it.. i wish i could know her better, but i dunno how she feels bout me, good? bad? average? likeable? i cant pick up any signs from her, which i find it rather frustrating
Here is another problem, im leaving for australia next year, so if we start, it will turn out to be a long distance relationship which i had strongly object about having... probably it is due to too many failed long distance relationships by my friends that prompt me to think so, and i know i should be more confident bout myself that it would work.. but i cant make myself to have that confidence in the relationship.. PLUS, i dont want any girl to be missing me so badly that she is suffering from it while im away.. i cant bear to think that the one i love most is missing me and is suffering from it, and i cant be there to console her!! it will tear my apart that way!! Some of my friends say that i should be more confident in both of us in surviving the long distance relationship, they even ask me whether i am willing to sacrifice for love or not... of coz YES!! i would do anything for it, but as i said b4, i cant bear having someone i love most suffer because im not there, and i cant even be there to console her...
actually, my main concern now is how she feels.. it may sound very normal la, but when u experience it it is totally different.. unlike shows, it is not easy to express ur love to sumone while not knowing how the opposition thinks about u.. so should i continue to think about her, or should i juz let go, and spare her of all the pain that she might suffer?..
Love, is such a mysterious thing.. u dun want to fall for it in fear that u may not get what u want, but sumhow u will eventually fall for it unnoticingly, whether u want it to happen or not...
12:56 AM
